Am I a Writer?

Back in early spring of 2023, this sounded like a great idea: travel north a few hours to the quaint seacoast town of Rockport, during the luscious month of August, to attend a workshop with others who love to write. To do this with a dear friend, all the more enticing.

As time grew near, the thought of packing…utilizing my cumbersome method of multiple lists, holding the concern of forgetting a needed item…weighed heavily.

Adding to the exhaustion were upcoming short-term trips requiring a similar organizing-style, preceding the travel week to Maine’s mid-coast. I was also in the midst of staging our condo for sale, planning a Florida trip to welcome our second grandson, in addition to organizing a celebration honoring my husband’s 80th birthday on the Friday following the workshop.

What the hell was I thinking?

But nestled underneath this surface angst, dwelled the true hidden issue…the nagging thought… “am I truly a writer?”

Although I might appear to others as an extrovert, I am truly, at heart, an introvert. In my introversion, there exists an element of shyness, a touch of anxiety, and a hesitation to put my ‘full self‘ out there. To place my inner experiences and emotions on display was typically reserved for circles of close friends, or my therapist…not a room of relative strangers.

As is often true for me, once I jump into the dreaded abyss, I am gently caught in a soft web of comfort.

As each member of the writing class provided an introduction, shared their personal stories, took risks, shed tears, bared their authentic selves…I felt the open space of the unknown, gently close in around me like a hug.

These women were real, were willing to be vulnerable, had jumped into the abyss along with me.

The nagging question of ‘am I a writer?’ — faded into the background as I gave myself permission to share, permission to write.

I tenderly folded my concern, like a napkin, into a tiny, unobtrusive square, and slipped it into the side pocket of my backpack, as I retrieved my laptop…and began to type.